JAPAN HOLIDAY IS BOOKED. 26th July-4th August. Plane tickets booked, tour booked, and found a good company to rent a cellphone from (I get to play with a Japanese cell for 10 days! My phone was the latest model in 2005. I am so happy to get hold of some modern technology!). Japan has always been this distant dream of mine, something I only saw in photos, read about and imagined. I never prepared myself for the reality I would actually end up going there. I am scared to be excited, because then I’ll expect things and most likely end up dissapointed but… I AM SO EXCITED DESPITE MYSELF. I need this holiday, and I need it to be by myself.
Welcome! Honest Lies is the personal site of a 26 year old graduate electrical engineer living in the UK. Covering every day life, books and various other randomness. Read more about me and the site here.
Seven◦
My Dad went to Switzerland for a couple of days on business and of course he brought us back a little something. He brought back chocolate. Swiss Chocolate. Really, it is amazing.
Anyway, Thursday and Friday were the second to last and last days of school respectively. We were still on timetable but lessons were lazy and teachers weren’t as bothered with our behaviour.
On Thursday, the last lesson was physics and my teacher brought in chips and cake. Our class just sat and we were talking with our teacher for the entire time. My physics teacher is the one of the few of my teachers I actually like, there’s no nicer way to put it. She’s been my teacher for four years now. It’s weird that was my last lesson with her. sure there’s still the revision sessions, it’s not like the last time we’ll see each other. But it was the last lesson.
As a class we talked about a variety of things, ending with everyone saying where they were going and what they were doing. Some people are really doing some interesting things. One guy is taking a year out before going to university. He is going to save money for a time, then go abroad. Another of my friends is going into the merchant navy. It’s rather unique, different. But it’s not like I want to do something like that. I myself am satisfied with what I’m doing. I’d just like to get into university, that is all. The university I am hoping to get into is in Scotland though. It’s so far away! Also, one the guys remarked that my accent is going to develop another weird sound to it which may be true. As it is my accent isn’t South African (;_;), but it isn’t British. I just talk really weirdly. I hope it doesn’t change again and become even stranger.
So then Friday, the last day. We had lessons but we didn’t do anything. It was even lazier than Thursday. Did have double chemistry in the morning of all things. The first lesson was revision, with cake I couldn’t eat because I felt too ill (annoying!) and revision was actually playing chemistry hang man. XD The second lesson was a free and I went home and read, third lesson just sat around and talked. At lunch a lot of my friends were going to the local pub for a drink (disclaimer: not to get drunk…). I didn’t want to go and thankfully a couple of my friends also didn’t so we walked with everyone to the center of the village and went off to the shops before coming back to school and sat there, just talking.
Did a lot of talking both days. Everyone was in really good moods and chatty, for the most part.
4th lesson most people had a free period and my teacher wasn’t in so me and my friends lazed about on the field in the sun. Two of them had these water pistol things which made things oh so fun. /sarcasm And my friends had their cameras and were taking lots of pictures. I allowed myself to be in a couple of pictures, though I still hate it. Always feel so awkward. Like what do I do with my hands? How do I smile? I cannot smile on impulse. When people walk past me and smile at me I always end up either pulling weird- probably extremely creepy half smiles, half I don’t know what I’m doing with my face- faces at them, and/or glaring at them.
I was also pretty socially awkward for both days as I’m not feeling well. So while everyone else was all hyped up and happy, I just vaguely felt like curling up and falling asleep. I felt so mean because I wanted to be as happy as them, and I tried, but it was so much effort.
The last lesson yesterday everyone was off timetable and we gathered in the big drama studio for our last assembly together. It involved speeches by our head of year, bad dancing by a group of the boys- including dancing to S CLUB 7 (remember them? :P)– and games. It was OK, amusing in parts though I had a headache by the end as it was so loud. And I mean I don’t even know half of the people in my year! Though at the end of the day I know of them. If that makes any sense. There is a certain familiarity, and it’s strange to think that next year I’m not going to be part of that year group, I’m going to be surrounded by totally different people. Absolute and utter strangers.
There’s something safe about the way everything is now. Sometimes it’s maddening, the whole routine, how nothing ever changes, being surrounded by people you often wonder what the hell you have in common with (are they really friends?). But it’s safe, comfortable at the same time. ‘The comfort zone.’ But that’s over. Either next year if I get the grades I’ll be off in university, different place, new degree, surrounded by strangers or I’ll have to repeat a year and have to familiarise myself with the lower year group, who are also pretty much strangers which will be slightly more in the comfort zone, but still a little out. Everything’s changed. Last day of school is over. Seven long long long years been at that school, and it’s all coming to end.
It’s strange how quick everything is going. Time is passing really quickly, no matter how slowly it feels like it should be going.
sleepless
Today I had my Italian listening test. It was kind of weird. I’ve never done an language at GCSE or A level so I didn’t know what to expect. It seems to do a listening test you get a laptop with headphones, and the CD with the test plays through the laptop whilst you still answer in a paper booklet. It was quite interesting. But typically mine was the CD that didn’t play, resulting in an awkward 5 minutes at the beginning waiting for someone to come fix it. Once the test finally began it was OK. Everything worked. The actual act of answering the questions was not amazing and I’m not expecting much from my results.
To be honest I didn’t really care.
I felt terrible this morning. Actually I’ve been feeling terrible since Friday. My anemia was showing signs of improvement, but by Friday I was dizzy, nauseous, had a headache, tired. The whole works. By about midnight Friday I could barely focus I was so dizzy and I honestly thought I was going to start throwing up. Did not feel nice at all. It didn’t improve of the weekend and when I woke up today it was much the same. I dragged myself in for the exam and just did whatever, not even caring (strangely I’d been worried about it over the weekend but when push came to shove I was feeling to crappy to actually care). I was so grateful when the exam was over. I called my mom and asked her if I could come home and she said yes. I did come home with plans to do some revision, spend the day usefully because I just felt a bit rubbish, I wasn’t dying or anything. I just couldn’t face being in school, all the noise and being around people.
However I ended up coming home, having some breakfast and then lying down on my sisters bed (it’s sunnier in her room :D)and pretty much not moving for almost 5 hours. I stared into space, read a lot and attempted to nap. I couldn’t really sleep because something kept waking me up ¬_¬ But lying down reading in the sun was so relaxing and for once my mind wasn’t in 10 places at once which was an amazing feeling.
(I’m also happy to say I finally finished two out of three books I’ve had ongoing! Lately I haven’t been able to concentrate so I rarely read. But I finished them! The magicians by Lev Grossman, which I love and is absolutely beautiful and I highly recommended it (seriously, read it!).And Grotesque by Natsuo kirino which may be one of the few books which squicked me slightly, and also had a really lame ending and was kind of just OK. Nothing amazing, but interesting in parts.)
After 4 and a half hours of reading and resting, unable to sleep, I just felt really bored. So I got up and went on the computer. Still did nothing productive and still lovely. Not to worry about anything, not to think of anything and just rest like that.
I don’t know why but it’s different than the weekend. On the weekend I always have to battle my conscience telling me I should be doing this and that, and it’s hard to relax. But taking a day off I don’t feel that guilt. There’s nothing I should be doing because I have made the decision myself not to do anything. Sort of like “I am ill and I am going to rest. Try and stop me” If that makes sense. I’ve done no work today, and I’ve not felt guilty for it. Well, I almost feel guilty but I won’t allow it. Today was my day off. To rest, read, sleep, and not worry about everything. I feel relaxed and happy now. I needed today.
Though must say, feel better emotionally but don’t feel much better physically. I can’t take any more time off though, and really being ill is so boring might as well go into school. ^^
P.S: New Layout! Yes, it is bright green. : )
Namie Amuro, Fast Car – This PV is so classy. and her outfits are gorgeous.
Epik High- One (Acoustic ver.) – Cuz your wound turned into a sickness, your doors into walls,
and your image in the mirror has become the enemy, You’re hurt, right? watching this kind of makes me teary. I’ve so many terrible memories and emotions attached to the song, and the accoustic version just hits little harder.