Welcome! Honest Lies is the personal site of a 26 year old graduate electrical engineer living in the UK. Covering every day life, books and various other randomness. Read more about me and the site here.

“I just lay there listening to the blood rush through me and it never made any sense, anything”

It’s been a while since I wrote a very long entry. I have tried to write smaller entries but for today I am going to have a good end of the academic week (for me) ramble because this week has been exhausting. I’m going through stages of lack of sleep hyperness and crashing to moody and lethargic. Currently somewhere in the middle but feeling very much like rambling.

  • On Monday being awesome: Monday was pretty awesome. I had a maths test I had been worrying about for a long while and then labs catch-up session and labs always unnerve me because I suck at them. However I took my time with my test, made sure to read the questions carefully, check it all and redo every sum without looking at my previous working and somehow magically passed. Then in the afternoon I discovered that I’d finished all my labs so I didn’t have to go to the catch up session. I was free! I just went home.
  • On Tuesday and how ice cream makes everything better: On Tuesday I went with my group on a trip to a hydroelectric plant in North Wales. I had to wake up at 5:30am. It was pitch dark when I awoke and I watched the sun rise from the train which although very gorgeous and dramatic was pretty horrendous. All I could think was that I was supposed to be asleep. I don’t care if there are people worldwide who get up at 5:30am daily. I am not a morning person.The only up side was that I got to take a nice direct Virgin train to Liverpool. Then from Liverpool it was a two hour long coach ride. The power plant was kind of cool. We had to wear hair nets and hard hats which was kind of dorky. We had a tour round the place followed by some free time to eat lunch. I sat with the only other girl in my group and this guy who I’ve spoken to quite a few times but still don’t know the name of. I somehow managed to keep up in a conversation about TV which I think is a feat seeing so I don’t actually watch any TV. The guy was definitely leading the conversation cos when he left me and the girl were left in terribly awkward silence. The lunch break was way too long. The coach ride back was hellish and uncomfortable, if not very scenic as I was sitting on the side facing the sea. Then I still had to take the train home. I was tired and hungry and nagged my father for Take Away pizza which he promised to give me, except he decided we’d go buy pizza at the supermarket instead. I would be mad but he bought me Ben and jerry’s so I was cool. My friends Season 1 DVD had come in the post so I basically spent the majority of wednesday late afternoon/evening watching it, and later watching whilst eating ice cream. Doesn’t get better than that- does it?
  • On Wednesday and my inability to save money: Today I am just a zombie from yesterday and I had to get up at 6am which was so hard. I managed to drag myself out of bed with the thought that tomorrow I can have a lie-in. Today was a miserable day- wet and windy and cold. Thankfully no ice. My train was delayed, of course, so I was late for lecture. I think I’ve only once been on time for my Wednesday morning lecture. Once I slept in and missed my lecture, all the other times it is from my train being delayed. It’s a little pathetic. I could have gone home straight after my lecture but I went to Primark and bought a new bag. My current bag has been annoying me for a while but I was good and I decided that I shouldn’t buy one just cos it was a little annoying but no…my old bag is a lot annoying. so I decided just to fork out the money. I mean it was only £6 and it’s a very large, sturdy, waterproof bag. It’s perfect and I’m relieved to be free of my old one. I buy so much stuff lately though. I am terrible with money. I can refrain from large purchases but I think “oh! That’s just £3! Why not?” so all my little purchases add up. I’ve bought books, beauty products, clothes, bags. I spend way too much money each month on all these things. The thing I had trouble with spending all my money on, food, is no longer a problem though. I’ve been pretty good about taking sandwiches. I buy those pre-made sandwich fillers at the supermarket and some cake or biscuits. Not really healthy but tasty and saves me money! :D
  • On not knowing people’s names: When I got home today I received a text from somebody but I have no idea who. However I do know that I am supposed to be working on a presentation on our Tuesday trip with four others and I have 3 of those peoples numbers so I assume due to the context of the message that it’s the 4th person. Who knows.

    Talking to people without knowing their names seems to be becoming some kind of trend here doesn’t it? I admit I don’t know many of the guys names in my group. I’m pretty bad with remembering things and I do get stuck with names. I know the girls names but that’s cos me and her are the only girls in our group. It’s pretty easy and likewise the guys seem to remember our names. It’s a different matter when it comes to the guys cos there are lots of them. Engineering is a very male dominated subject. You are told this right from the beginning; you tell someone you’re doing engineering and they’ll most likely grin and say “you’ll have an advantage being a girl!”. However there is still a part of you that thinks it can’t be that bad. Then you start university and you realise it really is as rumoured. I’m part of two girls in my group, and in my whole course there are probably about 10 girls. It’s a bit strange although I guess I was expecting it and it’s not like it’s something I haven’t encountered before- at school I was part of the only 3 girls doing physics in our entire year. I am just thankful the girl in my group seems to like me and I am working on my presentation with her. Also thankful that none of the guys in my group have shown themselves to be sexist pigs. They are generally nice. I guess I better get used to male company cos really- that’s going to be my life from now on isn’t it? I do sort of miss my friends at the moment. On one hand it was tiring being around a lot of them, because our friendship was so superficial but at the same time it was comfortable and safe. We could have conversations, as long as we picked the right subject. I do miss my best friend lots. It would be nice just to sit down with someone I know and just talk for ages. We do email each other which is nice. : )

  • On procrastinating: Now I’m at the point of the week that I like- 4 days of freedom. I still have things to do. University assignments mainly. I did have great plans to learn to drive and learn Japanese at one point this year but it’s fallen through. Which isn’t surprising, really. I’m the sort of person who gets these great ideas in her head, tells anyone who will listen in the hope that the fact she told someone will motivate herself, then after a week or two of HELL YEAH TOTALLY DOING THIS just kind of gets de-motivated. Thankfully this is only happening with my driving and Japanese and I’m sort of managing to keep on top with university. Although admittedly my university load is pretty light. My friend is in her first year doing the course I want to and it sounds like hell. I am trying to put everything into perspective by focusing on that XD

So there. That is my life in ~1000 words.

Forever 21


I was on the train to Liverpool and I caught sight of someone’s newspaper where the front page seemed to be an ad about a Forever 21 store opening in the Bullring in Birmingham. I vowed to research it later and finally, I did and found out the store was opening on Friday the 12th. After a lot of internal debate I decided I would go- why not? So I went all the way to Birmingham for some stupid insane need to do something spontaneous and fun and because come on, Forever 21! In the UK! I was a little too excited about the whole thing, maybe, but I wanted to know what the stuff was like, what the pricing was, if it really was confusing to shop there. You hear a lot about forever 21 when following fashion blogs.

Anyway. I got into Birmingham at 10:00am and rushed there to find it wasn’t opened yet. There were lots of people around and I wasn’t sure where the queue was. I lingered and watched as it opened, and was too far away catch the model cutting the ribbon or anything so don’t ask. I walked ahead and slipped into what seemed to be the queue, but was pushed out by two women. I slipped in again amongst a few guys who didn’t seem to care as much as those women and through that underhandedness (which I did feel guilty for, if it makes a difference) found myself as one of the first few hundred of so into the store, and I got a free tote bag containing an umbrella and some pens. Not too shabby.

Once inside the store I was a little bewildered, and unsure, for everything was so new and shiny and I wasn’t sure what to do. Then after wandering around some I started to really browse and shop. The store is absolutely beautiful, with some amazing displays and attention to detail, but entirely random and confusing in its layout; lots of very different things everywhere. Of course there was lots of staff around to ask you how you were finding it and it’s not like you could tell them how the layout is confusing or it’s a little pricey so I just said “it’s good” and smiled dumbly. :/

There where some very expensive items and some reasonable. Nothing was what you could call cheap. Sort of like H&M- where it’s mainly expensive but if you search hard enough there’s something wonderful and affordable to boot. I think if Forever 21 goes ahead with plans for opening new stores they could be quite a strong contender for the likes of H&M and Topshop.

It’s a really nice store with some beautiful things in it. I somehow controlled myself and resister buying all the gorgeous gorgeous dresses they were selling and just bought a few tops, a pair of cream tights and some cute headbands. They sold some really interesting and unique accessories but I’m not into that so I didn’t buy any. I managed to spend only £42…which is quite a lot. It was worth it. I had fun and hey, I was there! For the opening of the first UK forever 21! That’s pretty cool, yes? ;)

(Note: I wrote this on Friday then completly forget to edit and publish it. I clearly suck at this blogging thing. XD)

Stranger

Today I was on the train. It was a virgin train, so there weren’t many stops and of course there weren’t many seats either (Virgin trains are always busy, always). I decided that- instead of wandering through the coaches trying to find a seat- to just sit down in the place between carriages, on the dirty floor in my brand new coat and nice clothes. I was too tired and hungry to care. I got out my lunch and started to eat. We made our first stop and then we got going again. A man came and placed his luggage on the opposite end of the space we were in and asked me to watch it, to which I agreed. He came back and thanked me then sat down and thus started a long, very awkward time trapped in the small space between carriages, with nowhere to look and no one around. I’d say he was in his fifties, and he was clearly from a working class background (forgive me for saying that). He had a weathered look about him, like he had aged beyond his years. Maybe he was only in late forties. I never found out.

The train was headed up to Edinburgh and the man was Scottish. He had the humour of a Scotsman- the sort of humour which is so dry that you’re never quite sure when they are joking, and it throws you out more than a little. His humour was worse than my grandpa’s, and my grandpa has a habit of throwing me off and leaving me startled like a deer in the headlights, nervous and unsure and only laughing when he does (without ever really getting the joke). He also had a thick accent and he barely enunciated, mumbled his words and it was hard to understand him. Granted I’m the sort of person who- like Siwon from super junior for fellow fans- will hear one thing and transform it into something completely unrelated. Ask me for a banana and I could happily hand you an apple. I struggled to understand him. He seemed to have trouble hearing and also struggled to understand me. It was awkward, like we were speaking in foreign languages despite both speaking in English. He must have recognised something in my voice and asked me where I was from, so I told him I was South African. He told me he had friend in Joberg and had been there and I wasn’t surprised- lots of people have been there, know someone there or at least they imagine that know something about there (though it was nice to have someone really know about South Africa instead of the stupid remarks about lions or the shocked glances of “isn’t it dangerous there?”)

Over the course of the journey we chatted, him mainly leading the conversation. I found out he worked in construction and had been spending the past few months in London and was headed back to Scotland for the winter and that he travels all over the UK for his job. I told him I was studying engineering, and my father was an engineer (for which he gave me a knowing glance but never said anything although later he remarked that girls tend to favour their fathers, and boys their mothers >_>/<_<) He told me, and I wondered if the beer he had been casually drinking was not his first, that he thought he should have been a psychoanalyst because he can read people. I am sceptical, but used to these sorts of confessions due to my mother who is is of a similar view point and smile, nod. Smiling and nodding is the best course of action when people tell you things you don’t really believe for you should at least tolerate someone’s beliefs, just as they tolerate that you don’t believe. Then he tells me he can see me going back to South Africa and then travelling the world. That's the sort of thing someone likes to hear, but it's unnerving from a stranger. He tells me to travel the UK first and I nod along, dumbly, more than a little perturbed. He tells me I seem strong, in mind, and that I should be strong if I want to go anywhere. He comes across as rather cynical and a little bitter. But a typical Scotsman all in all, very dry and cynical lot they are (again, sorry). We share complaints about UK and the shitty weather. He laughs and it makes him cough, and I wonder how many he smokes a day. There is something rough about him, and maybe that is why he made me feel a little uncomfortable. Of course I'm not just about to be rude and ignore him because he seems a little rough, a little old, like he smokes and he is obviously drinking beer. Of course. The man looked at me when I spoke and it was quite unnerving. He had those eyes, deep set and clear blue, that seem to look straight through every barrier you put around you. My dad has eyes like that, and my uncle is the worst; his eyes are clear blue, wide and deep and looking straight into his eyes is vaguely petrifying. It really does feel like he's looking into the deepest part of you and its very unnerving. I can’t look my own uncle in the eyes, there I said it. The man was king enough, friendly, if a little too much. I couldn't help but feel tense, awkward, and nervous. Wondering why he was speaking to me. Feeling a little sick, a little trapped in that space between carriages, the window high above me so there's nowhere to look at except the floor and god, him.

I take consolation in that if he unnerved me I probably unnerved him…with my nervous laughter, the way I stumbled over my sentences, the way I had to constantly ask him what he meant- even when he told me his name, for I did not realise he was telling me his name (he’d just told a joke! I told you Scottish humour throws me off!) and for a few humiliating seconds was staring at him like “what does William mean?” as if it was a word. I do tend to appear very stupid when you first meet me. I don’t do well with sudden encounters, with the pressure of trying to get to know someone new. I laugh too much and say stupid things off the top of my head. It’s unfortunate but true. It’s no wonder the guy gave me such an incredulous look when I told him I was doing engineering.

I don’t often meet people on the trains but when I do it’s always an awkward experience. That bullshit in movies where you meet a cute guy and click is so fucking far from the truth. The only encounters I’ve ever had have been awkward, fumbling, and embarrassing.

The man, William, smiled at me and wished me well in life as I stepped off the train. I gave him a small smile and said Goodbye. I think it’s safe to say that although there was something creepy underlying the encounter he was a very nice man.

That didn’t stop me from shaking for a few moments afterwards as all the tension left my body, feeling so damn relieved to be out of there. I felt embarrassed and have been bleaching my brain for hours, desperately trying to erase the encounter. Come on, universe- just once, a cute guy who isn’t drunk, or old, or with a girlfriend? Just once? I’ll promise I’ll try to have a normal, not stupid and fumbling, conversation with him. Please?

“I said to myself “I’m OK” and showed my usual smile. I didn’t feel in desperation but in a kind of defiance”

I’ve had a busy week thus far. I thought I had a test on Monday and an outing on Tuesday but was thankfully very wrong (and thankfully informed of my error). However I’ve still had a lot of maths work for the test next Monday (next Monday, self. remember these things for once). There is an exactly 50% chance of my passing/failing that test; I took the practice test 4 times and passed twice. I also had an assignment due in for this Friday which I found out about yesterday that I somehow managed to hand in today: it’s a little half asked but I tried! I mean I had to do a PowerPoint on a hobbie, so I did a fucking PowerPoint on baking. D: Those kinds of assignments are made for interesting people and people who are proud of their hobbies. I am not either. I am a private, very private, person with incredibly dull hobbies. I feel embarassed about the whole thing. And then for another part of the assignment I had to use Microsoft project for the first time in my life so idk if I did it right. I’m not sure I entirely care anymore. The library became my base these past few days- I go there and sit for hours. That’s the thing with Uni- it’s a lot of independent work and requires a lot of self motivation. Motivation? Whatever. I keep myself ‘motivated’ by packing a lot of snacks to munch on, because boredom makes me hungry and if I don’t have food my attention wanders. Anyway. I also have another assignment in next week and another assignment, group work, due for the end of the month (which I’m just not thinking about. Group work! Presenting in front of the class! ARGH). Despite all this I have spent this evening doing absolutely nothing. I have four days to do my assignment. Tonight I am doing nothing and doing it all without feeling guilty. Yeah, I’m a little stressed and a lot tired. I’m really worried about everything. I just want to relax and stop thinking about anything for a few hours. :/

Books

To continue with random posts that have nothing do with anything in particular. My head is a mess right now; you don’t want to go there. I don’t want to go there.

So- books. I have read and still read a lot of them. Nothing beats curling up in bed with a good book. Nothing. I think lately though I’m getting frustrated with how hard it is to find something good to read, something that you stay up until 1am because you can’t put it down despite the fact you need to get up early tomorrow, something you can’t stop thinking about, something you can read on a train and lose track of the journey so you’re surprised when you arrive at your destination. You know- good books. Really fucking amazing books. Nothing beats a good book but a bad book makes you want to scream in frustration and throw it against the nearest wall.

Lately I am struggling to find good things to read. I don’t buy a lot of books because I have no money and my library sucks but the books I do buy have disappointed me. First there was the Georgina Kincaid series by Richelle Mead. The first and Second books were really good but the series just went downhill completely. I would have enjoyed the third and fourth books I think if the first and second hadn’t been so good. I couldn’t help but think- what happened? I didn’t manage to finish Succubus Shadows. I was excited to read Mead’s Thorn series but I think I won’t. I will however check out her Vampire Academy still. Heard a little too much about it to pass up (although right now I don’t want vampires. I want magic and alternate realms and that kind of thing. To be honest I’m a little sick of vampires atm.)

Second- I read the book Poison Study about a year ago and found it mediocre however good reviews inspired me to re-read it and pick up the rest in the series. I regretted it immensely. I don’t get why it’s recommended. Poison Study is a good idea with mediocre execution. Magic study is just annoying. Yelena wasn’t a great character in Poison Study but you could understand her. I liked Valek too, and their relationship was good. I enjoyed seeing them go from nothing to friendship to lovers. However in Magic Study Yelena becomes so annoying and the way she thinks that she knows everything and refused to listen to anyone annoys me. Also the way that she is constantly thinking about Valek? BIG FAT NO. It was so irritating. Also it just got ridiculous- the thing with her horse and all her dreams about Valek. ugh.

It’s gotten to the point I have taken to reading old favourites. First I re-read Crown Duel by Sherwood smith. Now Crown Duel is a book I highly recommend. Sherwood smith is up there with Tamora Pierce in creating amazing worlds, amazing characters and beautiful intricate plotlines. There is magic and adventure and incredible world building and characters you can’t help but fall in love with and villains with motives and hearts- 3d characters in other words, humans in extraordinary circumstance. Also this is a great book to talk about after talking about the Study series. I adore the main female Meliara for she is strong and intelligent but she knows when to admit when she is wrong, when to admit her plan is not the best plan. She knows when she is being sulky and immature; she knows her weaknesses and has the desire to change. She knows when she has done something wrong and tries her best to make it right. She is amazing. She is everything I look for in a heroine- someone flawed, with her share of angst, but intelligent and reasonable and mature. She strives forward, learning from others but never losing sight of her own self. The love story in Crown Duel is so wonderful too but it is not always at the fore front because there are things they must be doing and I love that. I love seeing all the hints, the subtle way it builds up. I love the way it isn’t shoved in my face but quietly builds up. Romance should not take priority when say, fighting a war. Crown Duel truly is amazing. I’m glad I finally get to declare my undying love for it. ♥

Currently I am re-reading a book I first read when I was about 12. I own the second and third in the series, yet for some reason not the first. I started reading it anyway because I randomly found it on my shelf and remembered enjoying it when I was 12. I’m a few chapters in and yes, it is as good as I remember. It’s a classic fantasy which is the sort I adore. There is an art to making really classic fantasy but yet at the same time creating something unique and wonderful. You know what I mean- magic and adventure and friendship and/or romance that doesn’t make you roll your eyes. There is also an art to making good characters. The main girl in the book I’m reading is quite sweet thus far. Maybe if I read the first book I would admire her more. I really do wonder wth I don’t have the first book and it really bugs me. I like having complete series!

I am not sure what I want to read next. I am thinking about putting in a small order of books but I’m wary. I don’t have lots of money and I don’t want to spend cash on crappy books- like the Study series. Then again I don’t want to use my shitty library. I might buy more Murakami books. I read Kafta on the shore and loved it; it’s a strange kind of book yet there is something enthralling about it, something that lures you in about it. I would love to read hardboiled wonderland. Maybe that is the key. Maybe I need to branch out from fantasy, maybe I’ve grown tired of the genre. Or maybe I just need to buy older books…they can be better :x

(This entry kind of ran away with me. It was supposed to be short. Well, I hope some one who reads this site loves Fantasy books as much as I do. :/ )