I lost one of my fish yesterday .

That morning I was feeding my fish when I noticed a strange creature in my tank. At first I thought it was a piece of plant, but then it started to move. Much panicking and frantic googling later, I thought it may be a nymph. How one of those got in there I don’t know but now I was scared. This creature was not harmless like the snails, and could attack fish of its size. Which is all my fish. I summoned my courage to fish it out with the net. Then threw it down the sink. Then ran the tap for ages to make sure it really went away. Then poured some bleach down. Just in case.

I don’t think I’ve been that freaked out by something since that time I discovered cockroaches could fly…as one was flying at me.

I thought it was all over but then that evening I spotted it: a fish, stuck in one of the plants, staring vacantly out of the tank, not moving. I tapped the tank and it didn’t react. With an ominous feeling, I phoned my dad , who advised me to poke it. I put in a long stick and pushed it gently. It was stiff and unreactive.

It was dead.

Worse, as it came free of the plant and turned about in the water, I could see it had been partially eaten.

The nymph must have attacked it, I theorised. Perhaps the nymph ate it’s way out the fish, my dad suggested.

I thought I was going to throw up. I had to catch this half dead, mauled fish, and throw it out. I had to deal with my failure to look after it. My guilt. It had only been three weeks. This was one of my newer fish, at least, and then I felt even more guilty for my relief at that. Poor little fish. I cried a little. I panicked- what if this was just the start of it? My father listened patiently to my freaking out, then turned me over to my mom to deal with. My mom tried, but even after we talked, I didn’t stop freaking out all evening, and I lay awake for ages as every time I closed my eyes all I could see was the hollow stare and gnawed gut of my dead fish.

This morning, my fish were scared. They wouldn’t come into the open water , even for food. They were hiding amongst the plants and ornaments. They were shoaling together, not daring to separate . I felt awful. And even more panicked- is this because they’ve realised they are down a number and they think there’s something in the water picking them off, or is there actually something in the water picking them off? Was there another, bigger nymph? It was hard to leave the house this morning.

I’m suddenly scared for my fish. Nature is so very brutal. I knew my fish weren’t going to live long and were not likely to die of old age. I read those warnings when I was researching. But I didn’t expect such a grizzly scene.

Thankfully, when I came home tonight my fish seemed more relaxed, were less tightly shoaled and swimming about in the open more. And everyone was accounted for.

I hope it’s over now.

I finally have a 120L (!) Fish tank. My fish have no idea what is in store for them.

The fish are still in their old tank, as I still need to get hold of some live plants for the new tank. But by next week my poor little fish in their hopelessly undersized tank will have a relative ocean available to them. As my mom pointed out, the old fish tank looks like a toy next to the proper tank, and it really hits home how bad it is to think of a 19L as anything more than a starter tank for a community of fish. Of course I’ll get more fish at some point, but I’m happy to make up for the months spent trapped in the tiny tank by leaving them to have all that space for themselves for a bit (Not to mention, I need to cycle the tank again!)

It’s taking ages to sort out this new tank.

After realising 19L is way, way too small to keep most fish I knew I had to get something bigger. The pet shop had recommended me 64L, but I figured I may as well get the biggest a) I could afford and b) would fit in my house. 120L matched both. The big challenge would be to find a nice, stable table to hold 120kg of water. I had been told that the stands that were made for the tanks were fine, but I didn’t like the narrow base- although reinforced with steel, I couldn’t see how such a narrow base could provide a stable surface. I looked at sideboards, cabinets, chest of drawers, desks and tables and finally, I stumbled upon workbenches and knew I’d found what I was looking for. I fell hard for the beautiful, solid wood workbenches sold by gardenlarch. The only problem was all their products were too long for my room. They did however mention that custom sizes were possible. I contacted them about a smaller desk and received a positive reply quickly. I was told to order the standard 1.45m and they’d then confirm the custom measurements with me. I happily did what I was told, emailed them back and received no response. Alarm bells should have gone off at this point and I should have enquired. Unfortunately, I was excited and this was making me impatient and trusting. The bench turned up – promptly and beautifully packed and most certainly 1.45m long. I was not quite sure what to do- I wanted the table already so I could get my tank. I wasn’t sure about returning something so large. My father said the table was beautiful, that the overhang would not be drastic and to just accept it. I accepted it. I wasn’t happy, but I was still too excited about the fish tank to care about much else.

My father came round to mine to set up the workbench and it was a stunning piece – very good quality wood, strong construction. I could even sit on it without any trouble, it was that strong. It was still too long. But now it really was too late. My dad said he could cut it down but he didn’t want to incase the wood became damaged and lost its strength. I was stuck with it. I tried to think of ways to get it to fit – to get it to look less dominating – but it would take quite a lot of reshuffling and I just didn’t have the energy for it. So in the end, the oversized table is where the smaller table should be and its looks way too big, and just not the right size for the tank, but hell, its strong and sturdy and beautiful. I really love it, despite its size. For the price I paid, I am quite shocked by the fact I got such high quality solid wood. Just look at that oak top! Honestly, I took a picture of just the oak top and I’m tempted to post it because its just stunning. They sanded it perfectly too so there’s no rough edges and the top surface feels so smooth. A good piece of oak furniture is usually hundreds of pounds, but this was under £200. I am now thinking of setting up some kind of canvas curtain to hide the amazing amount of fish keeping tools I have gathered over the months (and all those buckets) which I think will really complete it.

The bench was solid, untreated wood so I spent a couple of weeks oiling it with tung oil (a complete pain, but saved me £15) whilst I sorted out buying the fish tank. I already knew I wanted the Interpet Fish Pod – the curved design was wonderful, the price was right, and it came with all the bits I needed, even a whole lot of bits I don’t need – such as a heater. I had the tank delivered to my parents home because I knew I wouldn’t be in to receive it, and I wouldn’t be able to get the tank up the stairs to my apartment anyway.

Finally – last weekend my dad came to deliver the tank to myself. We went to the pet store first, where my father and I looked at all the fish, and I chattered away excitedly about what I wanted to get, and I must have sounded like I knew what I was on about as someone asked me for advice. That made me feel proud, especially for it to happen when my dad was there. I hope I gave good advice. I hope my dad was proud of me. Anyway, we bought gravel. Then we went back to mine to get started on setting the tank up. With my father around to help I could get the tank unwrapped and up on the bench, and my father helped me wash the new gravel and ornaments and get them into the tank. He also put in the lights for me, set up the filter, and attached the background. That makes it sound like I did nothing, but I was the one lugging bucket after bucket of water to fill the tank as he set up these things. 120L is a lot of tiny buckets of water. I am so glad I know that you don’t have to change all the water. Ever. Even changing 20% of this every week, initially, and every two weeks after that is going to be a challenge. I’m excited though. I can’t wait to get my fish in there and to see them finally with the set up they deserve. I can’t wait to get more fish! I am becoming slightly obsessed.

A week later the tank is still intact, I have gotten more marimo and I even managed to get hold of the beautiful red Torii gate- just what I needed to complete my Japanese theme! Although I am nervous about such bright red paint in the water (please don’t start flaking off or melting off.) I want some real plants for right in the back – some really long ones to create a nice, dense forest for the fish to go hide in to sleep in, or just if they want a breather from the open water. I have decided to do my tank in layers – tall ‘trees’ in the back, then smaller ‘trees’ in front, then a scattering of buildings and a cave partially tucked away in the ‘trees’, and finally the marimo and rocks scattered around the Torii gate in the front. Hopefully my fish will like it.

Sadly, my fish are now suffering from constipation which is making me very worried. It’s like, just two more weeks, fish. That’s all I need. Just endure a tiny bit longer. (Although. I do need to feed them more vegetables. I um…did not know fish needed vegetables.)

(It’s a good thing my fish are hardy: I am 100% learning as I go along here.)

Nothing sponsored here – bought everything myself and all opinions are my own :)

• Post Title: The Cardigans - For what its worth