There’s nowhere to go now

It’s that time of year again. It’s cold outside and it gets dark early, so that it feels like night time even when it’s only 5:00pm. The year is coming to it’s close- the end of semester assignments coming in,  said assignments being set for a hand in for January 2011, January exam dates being announced. Christmas is being advertised for everywhere, the Christmas themed displays going up in shop windows. Christmas. When did it become November? November 20th. It’s not long to go now. And so another year will pass.

This time of the year is the worst. Homesickness always sets in around mid-November and lasts until the new year. The darkness and the miserable weather does nothing to help. I’m lonely and I’m sad. The smallest things are enough to trigger ridiculous over the top reactions: I am constantly on the verge of tears. I am nostalgic- my thoughts constantly going back to the past, to home.

I hate this time of year.

For a while I thought I was the dragon. I guess I can tell you that now. And, for a while, I thought I was the princess, cotton candy pink, sitting there in my room, in the tower of the castle, young and beautiful and in love and waiting for you with confidence but the princess looks into her mirror and only sees the princess, while I’m out here, slogging through the mud, breathing fire, and getting stabbed to death. Okay, so I’m the dragon. Big deal. You still get to be the hero.

Richard Siken, litany in which certain things are crossed out

(highly reccomend you listen to Richard Siken read this poem here)

Phone

I realised that I never posted about my new phone- apart from a short friends-only little thing on Livejournal which really isn’t enough to express how awesome my new phone is and how happy I am to have it. I admit I didn’t use my old phone much because I rarely SMS anyone and I don’t call anyone. I find the latter somewhat terrifying. It’s difficult enough to speak to people face-to-face but then on the phone you can’t even see their expressions or gestures and if you pause too long to think it becomes really awkward, so I always end up blurting out things or even worse just freezing up and not saying anything at all- leaving awkward silence of doom that the other person has no choice but to fill. I find it awkward and I avoid phoning people, and I hate having to make calls (things like doctors, university etc). However I wanted a new phone as I wanted the ability to browse the web on the go, check my emails on the train, take pictures (my old phone had a camera but it was so shit it was pointless and my camera camera is broken.). I also in the rare instances that I do SMS my friends hated how I would always have to be thinking about my credit and often had to cut short nice conversations cos I knew I was running out. I wanted to go on contract so I wouldn’t have to worry about topping up all the time.

Well, I finally got it. It’s a SAMSUNG GALAXY PORTAL. It’s not the latest but it’s pretty damn cool and very reasonably priced compared to other smartphones (and the blackberry which is just ridiculously overpriced). Compared to my old phone, the SAMSUNG D500, it was quite a shock to use it at first! However I’ve had it about a week now and I’m finally getting used to it. The touch screen still confuses me but feels really nice to use, like the difference between using a tablet and using a mouse (I miss my tablet. Why did it have to break? T__T). The phone uses the android system so I can link my gmail up and check that effortlessly. Though I learned the hard way that I didn’t want to actually link my gmail up. It imports all the contacts, and you can’t log out of the email as far as I know which means anyone can access things you don’t want them too- from paypal, ebay etc. I realised too late I wanted to keep my gmail separate from my phone and was forced to format my phone. Then I created another email address which is now my phone address. I set up forwarding so that personal emails from my friend, sister and father would go to my phone. It works rather well now. I can also send pictures to twitter- which is fun! And of course I can sit on the train using the web (if I can get reception _). The screen is really nice so websites look great on it. It’s somewhat difficult to browse using the touchscreen but not impossible, I’m just a rookie when it comes to Touchscreen XD The other day I was reading fic on dreamwidth on the train which was a brilliant way to pass time and more portable than lugging a book around (It’s a shame it can’t read PDF otherwise I could read ebooks on the go). I can also use twitter on the go! Though I am careful not too use it too much; I want to keep the boundaries between online life and IRL. I can also take good quality pictures whenever I want, though it is very slow to focus.

I am petrified of breaking it or losing it however I am more than happy with my phone. : )

Crystal Castles,Not in Love (ft. Robert Smith) – Found this on someone’s tumblr and now I’m hooked. This song is awesome.

‘There will always be things to be afraid of,’ you say, ‘but you trust me, right?’ And, not knowing who to trust, how you can be sure people actually want what they think they do, my hands shaking, like always, I exhale, and I say yes. Anything to not always be so scared all the time. I think how people must like gambling so much because it’s exactly what life feels like when you think you have something to lose, even if you really don’t.

– YOU ARE AN OBJECT (source)