memai

I went home on the weekend. Well, on Friday night. Skipped the second part of my Friday afternoon lecture so I could get an early bus and not have to rush around. Of course I was still late and didn’t get the early bus, and the next bus came late so I ended up running to the train station with my anaemia and my heavy bags but I managed to print out my tickets and run down to the platform and get on my train. Felt like dying, and there was no place to sit, and I was frankly a little miserable but I was going home. My dad picked up from the train station and we went grocery shopping (where I went crazy getting my dad to buy all the things I wanted to eat XD) before heading home. I had been woken up at 6:20am on Friday morning because of a fire alarm so by the time I got home I was exhausted. And also cold because it was really warm last week here at uni, but of course it was freezing at home. And I did not bring nearly enough clothes, not even a coat D:

On Saturday I somehow ended up at Old Trafford, freezing cold and exhausted, to watch my sister zipwire across the stadium. Not even joking. I was miserable, but it was her birthday and she had fun so I can’t complain too much. It was my first time being there too, and it was pretty cool. Amazing how big it is. Afterwards headed home and just did some work, chilled out a bit. And then spent the majority of Sunday baking. Mixed up some cake for my sister because I can’t bake carrot cake to save my life, and made butter cream icing for the first time which was surprisingly good. We sang happy birthday to her, complete with lighting up candles for her to blow out, and then ate cake. Then it became a bit hectic as I had to pack and go back again. The journey was quite and didn’t involve quite so much rushing, thankfully.

It was a good weekend. I paid for the time off though as I had to stay up until 1am on Sunday finishing off coursework due Monday, and then on Monday spent the break between morning lectures and afternoon lectures polishing up said coursework, rushing to library to print it off and ended up handing in the coursework 5 minutes before the deadline D: But it was good to go home and to relax and to eat nice things and to see my cat.

Alas, I don’t know why but I’ve somehow ended up with a stupid cold. Most likely from being inappropriately dressed in cold weather at Old Trafford, which makes me feel like such a dumb manga heroine. You know those ones who get the flu from like getting caught in the slightest drizzle? Yeah.  I’ve been lying down for the past 6 hours watching OB GYN doctors on my laptop Its not a good drama, but its addictive as hell and its serving as a nice distraction. I feel like passing out. I’m dizzy and my head hurts and I generally feel quite sorry for myself. Coping with illness is not something I am good at. I should probably do my work now though so I can get into bed. I think I need an early night.

But if I can cope with all the sadness I think I can become a little stronger.I have climbed many walls, so I don’t want to lose anymore.(x)

Tonight I booked my train tickets to go home next week. I’m looking forward to it a ridiculous amount. I’m so bogged down with work right now that a little break would be nice. Well, I’ll probably be lugging my laptop back so I can work at home so I guess its more being able to work in my own room, and fending off my cat trying to sit on my textbooks. Things like that. It really does feel like its been ages since I’ve been home. This semester has been so hectic that time just seems to have slipped by without even noticing. Yet ,I feel like I’ve not done much at all. I’m so busy with lectures and labs and course works (aka lab report after lab report after lab report) that I haven’t even had time, no, more like motivation or energy, to do any revision yet. This is worrying.

I got my marks for semester 1 back recently. Well, most of them. Still waiting for one of them. For the most part they are, not going to lie, really good and I am honestly shocked that I managed to pull it off. I even managed to pass communications and computer engineering. Sadly got my lowest mark thus far on Circuits and Fields, although the paper was really awful so I’m glad just to have passed. I was happy when I got my marks, then the worry settled in and it hasn’t quite left- having good marks for the first semester puts a lot of pressure on me now to continue to maintain these standards. And as for circuits and fields, I am on the fields part of the module and if I don’t do well on that I’m screwed.

There are certain things I want, things I can’t say because I’m so scared of jinxing it, that really depend on me getting good marks. I thought I’d failed my first semester but I haven’t and now I’ve started to hope and allow myself to dream of achieving these things and its honestly a little scary. Because you know, no revision being done. Still a major chance of my fucking everything up if I mess up this semester. Also: I have grown to realize that failing my A levels has made me really scared of failure. Which is good because it gives me MOTIVATION and DETERMINATION and all those lovely words but at the same time it gets tiring to be putting myself under this much pressure. It’s like there’s a part of myself constantly going have to do more, this isn’t enough, have to do more, still not good enough, will never be good enough, how dare you relax when there are THINGS to DO.  Perhaps this university business has finally started to do things to my sanity.

I wouldn’t say I’m stressed. But I am busy. I wish I could blog more, and I could write more interesting entries, but I find that university saps at my motivation to blog. I’m churning out so much coursework right now that a) I don’t want to write any more and b) I am very much in “technical report” standard when it comes to writing. It makes me a bit idk- annoyed? sad? worried? – to think about how much my degree takes from me. And yet still it never feels like enough, no matter what I do. And when I don’t do anything I feel guilty about it as if I’m not allowed a little bit of time to myself. I don’t know when I became this way.

I wanna go home. :( Probably going to start counting down the days soon!

snow
frozen over lake
Layered up and ventured out today for a long walk around campus taking many, many pictures of the snow. There is something about fresh, (mostly) untouched snow. Plus the lake was frozen over, which made for some interesting photographs (the cute birds helped too, of course.) Afterwards I met up with my friend and went back to hers for pizza and a movie. Just very chill. Today has been very relaxing. I’ve really done no work at all today, or this past week really. I’m fairly sure this coming week I’m actually going to have to start working. :/ (Also, I am not looking forward to battling the sludge and ice everyday. Snow is only great for the first few hours, then it’s just annoying. I’m actually going to have to wake up on time and leave early tomorrow so I am not late D: )

The one with the bagpacking

Today I went to TESCO (supermarket) and bagpacked for two hours from 2pm-4pm in the name of supporting charity and helping out my friend.  I was supposed to arrive there for 1pm but I have been blessed with the ability to sleep through 5 alarms (I slept through 4 alarms, woke up to the 5th, switched the 5th off instead of hitting snooze, flopped back in bed and slept through the 6th. I am not a morning person) I felt terrible when I woke up and I realized the time, as I had promised my friend I would be there at 1pm. Still, I got ready in record time and walked down to TESCO much quicker than I ever have before. Its amazing what people can pull of when they are panicked/desperate enough. Then I stood at the bottom of a till, and asked people if they wanted to have their bags packed and often they’d say no, but sometimes they’d say yes and I’d panic because there is something about packing other peoples shopping.

I have gone grocery shopping with my father for over 4 years every single week and I can pack bags in record time- sorted into an elaborate system depending on the temperature and how fragile the food is. Alas, I have no idea how to pack other peoples bags. I felt like I was imposing on their systems, and I didn’t know if they wanted me to separate the food out or if they wanted them all together, and the bags would stick and wouldn’t open, and I panicked, and I did a fairly bad job all in all. Of course none of these people know me and are able to hunt me down once they discover how badly packed their bags are. They still donated money after all, except when they didn’t. :| (Thankfully some people are nice enough to give money even when I just stood there, making up for the people letting me help and then walking off) The most awkward part was definitely when one of the girls on my course came to my till. No words to describe the level of awkward that was. I have no idea if she recognized me. I hope we reached some silent agreement to never speak of it again.

This is not the first awkward incident I have had in TESCO involving people I sorta know but I’m not entirely sure I know enough to say hello, and I honestly have no idea  about the social rules regarding this.  I think I need to start shopping at Sainsbury’s.

Afterwards I got  some groceries then I walked back through the snow~ Yep, I was wondering why December and January were so mild but the temperatures have now dropped and it has begun snowing. It was cold but it was kind of awesome trampling through fresh snow (yes, I am still 8 years old. )  I hope it sticks so I can take some pictures tomorrow :x I don’t like snow at all, but I haven’t been out enough in it for me to hate it yet. XD

Today was fairly uneventful despite the awkwardness. In fact this week has been kinda dull despite some awkwardness. I have no idea when it became February. :/

city view

Today was a little anticlimactic?  Despite making it a goal to be better organized this term, I ended up dragging myself out of bed far too late and ended up rushing and was very nearly late to my first lecture. :/ First lecture was a boring two hour long session on electrical engineering, and I spent a lot of it fighting to stay awake. I chatted a little to the guy sitting next to me during the break we had in the middle of the lecture, and it was very awkward. He did not seem to get that some people do not like clubbing. That is all that stands out from that lecture. Then I had a maths workshop, which I went for 10 minutes, decided nothing of importance was happening in it and left to go back to my room and cram for Japanese. After lunch I had a huge chunk of lectures and all of them were pretty dull and its all just the basics yet, so nothing too challenging. My lecture at 5pm wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be either. The room was very crammed and no one, including the lecture, really wanted to be there so it ended early at 5:35pm. I went and got money then went to the library cafe and spent an unfortunate amount on  supper. I sat at one of the tables in the cafe, which was unusually and rather nicely, quiet and studied as I ate. Then I went to Japanese and I could barely concentrate, but I got through it. And my assessment after turned out to be pretty simple. I was very nervous, so I’m sure I made some stupid mistakes (well, I know for sure I made some stupid mistakes). But it was OK. I came back to my room and have spent a glorious while doing nothing guilt-free. Today really wasn’t bad at all.

Just goes to show, I really am an expert in making mountains out of molehills. Then again, who knows how tomorrow will turn out.

(And, finally a new layout! Still need to mess with it a little but I just could not look at the old layout anymore!)

Photo is of the city I live ;)