every day life – Page 29

“We are all going forward. None of us are going back”

Well, all letters have come through now. I actually did get a single en-suite room, which resulted in me letting out a rather embarrassing shriek of joy when I found out. My father thought I had won the lottery or something equally epic. No, I just somehow ended up with what I wanted and never expected to get. I was surprised and slightly ecstatic to end up with my first choice of room. Even luckier, I am right next door to my close friend, who is also going to study abroad this year at the same university. With the letters also came the next wave of paperwork and I filled out what I hope is the last of the forms today. The hotel has also been booked, as well as the flights from Singapore to Malaysia.

I am not sure I have mentioned this before but my friend and I are taking a small trip to Singapore before heading onto Malaysia. We booked the flights to Singapore a while ago to ensure we get out to Asia, as there are many flights from Singapore to Malaysia, whereas the flights to Singapore were starting to book out and therefore increase in price. This makes me sound really organized but it was originally my friends idea. I am grateful for her of thinking of this, as it turned out to be a fantastic idea. We’ve got the flights we want, the hotel room we want, and will be spending 4 nights in Singapore to get some travelling done early, and at the same time adjust to Asia as tourists first. It all fell into place with surprising ease, which was a relief. I am greatly looking forward to passing out in a hotel room after the long flight, instead of having to deal with checking into campus. I am also growing very excited about visiting Singapore. I have been flicking through the single guidebook I own and writing itineraries in my head. I am actually rather excited to travel again. Although, I am praying that my friend and I don’t end up arguing, or annoying each other somehow during the 17 hours of travelling and the 5 days spent together thereafter. I hope it ends up being fun.

Apart from that, I am still spending my time trying to prepare. I am feeling better about packing in one aspect- books. I grew to dislike reading on my smartphone, as the screen was just too small to read for long periods of time comfortably, and it eats up battery life. I came to realise I should use my netbook for my reading, therefore I installed calibre and kindle for the desktop. With these on my little netbook I can safely say I feel a bit more confident about leaving my books behind and relying on ebooks for the next year. In the end during term time I don’t tend to read that much so if I could just have a few books on hand it would be fine. The only real drawback is how expensive ebooks are and how limited they are in some way. A lot of the books I want to read are quite old and don’t have digital formats, so I have been carefully reading reviews to find some books to load up for the year and almost every time I find a book I wish to read, the price is something I just cannot afford. I am watching the sales very carefully. I’m sure I’ll find something in the end.

I am still not making much progress with anything else. I did rewrite my to do list and made it more attractive…which is procrastination at its finest right. :/

But with everything booked and paperwork filled I think I can start to feel more optimistic. If I just steadily do a little bit each day it should be OK.

Listening To: Nishino Kana - Esperanza
mood: hyper

Dilly Dally Down

This summer (and lets use that term loosely, as it is cold and rainy) is proving to be very boring. The sort of boring that leads to the feeling that any small action is just far too much effort aka extreme laziness, listlessness and I cannot think of another “l” word to make it a solid trio. I am never going to be able to return to the usual routine at this rate. I have already forgotten what morning looks like. I could and should be spending my time more productively. I could read, or study Japanese, or go over the topics from my first year at university to prepare for second year! So many things and I just can’t bring myself to care. There is also the matter of moving abroad. I’m torn between wanting this summer to go quicker, so I can stop being so flippin bored, and wanting it to slow down already because currently I am moving abroad in one month and 10 days.

Yes, I am counting down. Of course I would when the time between now and then is becoming increasingly shorter and yet I have not crossed a single thing off my “to do list.” When I started this list at the beginning of the month it had two items, but as I gradually added more items on as they came to me the list grew and is now nearly 20 items long. And it seems that as the list grows, my reluctance to deal with it does too.

I have

– been spending hours sorting files on my computer to prepare for making backups. However it is taking longer than I’d like and I am far from done. I am in phase three of owning a computer– behold, the dinosaur. Seven years of endless crap that hasn’t ever been sorted before because I haven’t every needed to. Which is an excuse to cover up the fact I am terrible at throwing things out in real life and it seems I have problems letting go of meaningless digital crap too. I am likely to become one of those people you see on TV, crushed under the weight of every single thing they have ever owned, their bodies only found days later after extensive searches. I like to attach meaning to things, like to think that there may be a day when I’ll need them again, and what if I cannot find them? What do you do with your digital files- how do you decide what to keep and delete? I’m hoping I’ll become annoyed enough to just press shift+delete on it all and deal with the horror of what I have done afterwards. Likely I will get over it pretty quickly once real life starts off and I forget all about it because it really isn’t that important.

(Why? Why when I know this can I still not press “delete”?)

– started a packing list. I attempted to make categories, and to list every little item big and small. But it got too much and so I stopped and now don’t like to look at it. Cutting down all my belongings to a mere 20kg of stuff is proving even more difficult than I thought, and I never imagined it to be an easy task. I am not looking forward to leaving behind most of my clothes, skincare, makeup, and books. Pretty much everything, really. I know I can buy things over there but I don’t know when I’ll be able to go shopping, and how my money situation will be, and it makes me sad to think about all the money already spent on these things just to have them sitting unused for a year (in the case of skincare and makeup, possibly expiring)

That is about all I have done. Pathetic, isn’t it? I have things to organise with banking and I need to decide what baggage to take. And there’s more. Meanwhile, I am still slightly terrified and more than a little nervous. My thoughts constantly cycle back round to all my little worries about the whole thing. What will I eat over there? What are the supermarkets like? How will I cope with the weather? Will I need to use chopsticks at any point? (I can’t D:) How will I cope with all the insects? (Cockroaches and mosquitoes D: D: D: ) There is much to worry about, because it’s another unfortunate part of my personality to get worked up over small things.

University is also being slow releasing information which is annoying. I still haven’t received a certain important letter from them, and they haven’t said anything about accommodation. This is at the top of my current worries and I’m especially pissed that we’ve not heard anything. I need to stop getting my hopes up about an en-suite and instead start fretting about what to do when the bathroom is all the way down the corridor (this year the bathroom was right next door so it was perfectly OK to step across in a towel. I don’t think wondering down a corridor so poorly dressed is a good idea. Not to mention I had a sink in my room to do my facial skin care at night which I won’t have there so where will I do there? AHH) Also, the prices vary for all the accommodation types and I need to start budgeting (ah, another thing for the list. gdi)

So, yes. Very worried about lots of little things right now. I am spending my days file sorting (and lets use that term loosely as it mostly me discovering new love for things long forgotten about and finding reasons to keep them) interspersed with watching dramas. It’s really not enough distraction.

Listening To: After School - Dilly Dally
mood: Bored

“I’ll change my tears into strength”

Yesterday was my birthday. I was reluctantly woken up at 9am by my family singing to me and trying to give me presents..which I guess I shouldn’t complain about, even if at the time I really just wanted to continue to sleep. Although I was surprised at the fact my dad and sister were both there. Actually, I had been sleeping lightly and had woken at several points to wonder why the house was so noisy with all my family about- surely my dad and sister should be at work? I had asked my sister months ago if she would take me to the aquarium for my birthday but she couldn’t as she had to work, and she had said she didn’t want to take me over the weekend either. But I opened up my card from her to find “P.S I am taking you to the aquarium.” Turns out she had been planning it for ages and everyone (from my family to her friends at work) knew that she was taking the day off from work to take me! My dad meanwhile was just waiting for me to open my presents and left soon after. My dad was also the one who made my birthday cake this year, on Sunday after we came home from our hike. This needs mentioning so that I can remember it always, because my father never bakes. I was surprised to find the cake turned out delicious but not really, as it is somewhat typical of my father that even if something is unfamiliar to him, he can still do it and do it well. :|

Back to yesterday. Me and my sister took ages to get ready and ended up leaving over an hour after the planned time, and arrived at the aquarium around midday. I was stupidly happy. In fact this may be an occasion where I could use words like “gleeful” and “delighted” and not be exaggerating. Yes, I am 20 years old and I was ridiculously overjoyed to go to the aquarium for my birthday. I think I have mentioned on this blog before that I really like aquariums, yes? The only aquarium I haven’t enjoyed immensely is the small section of fish in the museum in Harare, where I actually nearly started to cry because I did not understand how the fish were still alive in such tiny, grubby tanks. You could barely even see the fish the windows of the tanks were that filthy and scratched. It was actually heart breaking. Then again the entire museum was… a bit of a strange experience? It was enjoyable as there were good displays and someone was clearly trying to take care of it, but you could tell that they just didn’t have the money/resources/something to really make it shine… we were also one of the only groups there which only made it the more surreal.

Anyway, this aquarium was on my list of ones I wanted to go to however tickets are expensive so I needed an occasion to get someone to take me. I was very happy and looking forward to it when my sister promised to take me for my birthday, disappointed when she said she couldn’t, and shocked in a very good way to find that she had been lying to me. (Even if at the same time I do hate how people take advantage of my gullibility…)

As it turns out that the aquarium was a bit overpriced. It was fun, however this aquarium wasn’t the Nagoya Port Aquarium or even the aquarium in Cape Town. It was smaller than expected? Me and my sister looked at the displays and watched them feeding the sting rays then had lunch at a truly dodgy cafeteria (I am sure there was little actual meat in my jumbo hot dog). After lunch we thought there would be more displays but in the end we had looked at everything! I am probably being petty because we had been there for a good few hours- I guess I am such a freak when it comes to aquariums that I could have spent the whole day there looking at endless displays of fish! And Nagoya has dolphins and beluga whales so it is kind of on a different level. XD I did however really enjoy walking through the underwater tunnels they had at this aquarium- where they had sharks, string rays and fish drifting around us- despite having to maneuver past herds of children. I remember how at the Nagoya port aquarium everyone else there was a family, with a few couples thrown in there. it was a similar situation yesterday. Lots of noisy children were noisy and everywhere you wanted to be. I took a video of walking through the tunnels and the camera is shaking and swinging from side to side as I tandem through the children. XD

After deciding to leave the aquarium we went back to the entrance/exit and discovered that they also had otters outside the aquarium which were adorable, if somewhat viciously attacking slices of meat as we watched. After seeing those we left to go shopping at a nearby designer outlet and spent hours looking at clothes. I came to realize that now that my sister is working that there is becoming a certain gap between us. Like for the first time it really feels like she is older than me? It became apparent when we were shopping and the difference between the places I can shop, and the places my sister can shop. She still shops on the high street, but now she is a working woman she can also afford more expensive, designer clothes. We looked through a lot of brand shops and I looked at and tried on a few things so she wouldn’t feel alone but in the end there was no way I could afford any of it! Then again moving abroad and having only 20kg of luggage also hinders what one can shop for too. I have a set list of things I am allowed to buy between now and September and I am being strict not to break it! I bought some cotton shorts and leggings in the end, both of which i think will be OK in the heat of Malaysia. I still have to get hold of some more loose cotton tops and shorts to sustain me until I can go shop in KL. My wardrobe right now is designed for the UK aka cold, wet, windy weather. I have very little clothes suitable for extreme heat. :/

We eventually headed home and that was about it. I had a fun birthday. Although it was quite tiring, and my legs were aching the entire day from the walk on Sunday (both me and my sister could not help but complain out loud every time we encountered steps.)

And so I am now I am 20, although to be honest I feel no different than when I was a teenager. XD

Listening To: Mini - Are u Ready?
mood: relaxed

Go Round

Ruins of Errwood Hall Spanish Shrine Path to Shining Tor
A few months ago I mentioned to my father that I wished to go walking in the peak district to climb up Shutlingsloe in good weather, as we had climbed that hill before in rain, snow, wind aka every cold, miserable weather imaginable and I was curious as to how it would be on a better day. Yesterday to my surprise my dad announced he would be taking me and my sister today. Of course he had a plan as he so often does and he had decided we would still head into the peak district but instead take a trail to Cats Tor and eventually Shining Tor, which is a hill opposite to Shutlingsloe that is also about 50m higher. We had to get up very early this morning, leaving the house at around nine. I’ve not gotten up so early in a while and I was surprised at how exhausted I didn’t feel. I was actually a little excited. We arrived at the car park mid morning and after some confusion over where we were going we started our walk at about 10:45am. There were quite a few people about but for the most part we were alone on the trail. It was quite atmospheric walking along these lonely paths with only the sound of the birds and wind and occasionally the rush of water from nearby streams.

We entered lush forest and passed the ruins of Errwood hall, which was smaller than expected. Still, it was completely remote and I could not help but imagine what it would have been like a hundred years ago, and conjure an image of one of those isolated, eerie mansions that form the setting of a Gothic novel. Onwards and we then passed a small Spanish shrine, still maintained inside with candles lit up and offerings set out, then exited the woodland to walk through barren fields, alongside a quiet road, stopped for a moment to sit and eat lunch, then through more empty fields up and up towards Shining Tor.

It seemed as if we would never reach the summit- the hill doesn’t have that much of a defined peak compared to its neighbour, and eventually the climb evens out to a really subtle incline so you can’t quite tell when you’re going to reach your destination. The wind was severe right up on the hill. For lunch we sat in front of a wall which thankfully blocked the wind but up on the hill the walls had started to crumble and the wind went straight through me. It at least had the affect that I never got too hot, and only my hands ever felt truly cold. It had actually turned out to be a nice day and good weather for walking- neither too cold nor hot. I was also nervous about it starting to rain and was relieved that although the sky was overcast enough to look interesting in photos, it never actually rained! When we finally reached the peak I was happy enough to stride out confidently to the edge only to end up crouching down in fear, recoilling from the edge, having not realised just how strong the wind was, and suddenly becoming a little afraid of tumbling over the edge. I am irrationally and ridiculously afraid of a lot of things, I do realise this. The view was quite nice though, although my hands were unsteady from nerves and the wind so I got no decent pictures :(

Of course once we were up the only way was down, even though by this point I (and I think both my father and sister, too) was fairly tired from trekking all the way up there (It had taken us about 3 hours to reach the peak). On the way back we clambered over a trail going across peat land, so the ground was soft and squishy beneath out feet which was entirely bizarre. My dad jumped beside me and I could feel the land ‘spring’ beneath my feet! We exited that path and walked alongside a road for a while before going back into the woodland, where the path was wet for 70% of the time and I ended up splattered in mud (admittedly mostly through my own idiocity…), but there was thankfully no candid camera moment of falling. We stayed in the woodland right back to the car park, walking across streams, passing by the hall again, spotting lizards on the rock walls… it was really interesting and so very pretty. I nearly tripped over my feet a couple of times because I was too busy admiring the scenery.

After a total of four or five hours of walking we made it back to the car park. I was tired and my legs were aching but it was quite rewarding once we made it back. We indulged in some rich ice cream before heading back home.

Being the sort of person who idles her time sitting in front of the computer meant that at times the walk was really quite tiring, but somehow it was also quite relaxing. It was fun being with my family too. My legs are so stiff and sore right now but think it was worth it – it turned out to be a fun day.

Listening To: Kagi no Kakatta OST
mood: tired

There’s a beautiful mess inside

So, it seems that time is just flying past again. When I last updated I was getting ready to leave halls. My sister came and picked me up as my dad was unavailable. She arrived in a bad mood, annoyed at having to pick me up and then more annoyed after getting lost. She sat and watched as I packed, making sure that I had every last scrap boxed up before we could take a break to head into town in search of food. We eventually ended up in town, wandering without destination until we finally came to agree that we wanted Thai food. She googled it and we found a small Thai restaurant tucked away on a side street, where we were early enough to be one of only two groups there so it was lovely and quiet. The food was delicious and it was nice to spend time with my sister, chatting about this and that. (No matter how terrible a mood she is in my sister will always become mellow after eating.) After dinner we got the bus back to campus, then walked through campus making stupid jokes, saying silly nonsensical things that would make no sense to anyone who overhead, and laughing too hard over it all. I was really happier than I had felt in long time. I read through some of my entries over the past few months and they were really pessimistic. I felt like reaching into the screen and shaking myself, telling myself to get over myself. But its easy to say that when I have achieved what I wanted. Just as it was easy to laugh then, the reality of moving abroad not set in yet and therefore none of the anxiety. I was just really happy to have achieved it.

Once back at halls we started to pack up her car aka lugging boxes through halls and trying to get them to fit into her tiny corsa. We bickered the whole time- my sister complaining, and me telling her to get over it. Half serious, as always. We got some amused looks from the people we passed as we so often do. Somehow when we are together we often end up being loud and silly together, like we’re children, and I often see someone nearby glancing at us with a certain expression, kind of amused, almost surprised. Not that I care. It’s fun. It took a while but we got everything packed up then I poked around my empty room to check and recheck if I’d left anything behind. It was strange to see the room so empty and to think of never going back there. I handed in my keys and then I left and… it was really easy to do. I didn’t feel sad and I don’t miss it. I was relieved to be coming home. In the end when I come home I more miss independent living than living in halls. Living in halls is exactly as advertised- grimy, loud, bad food (although admittedly that last couple of weeks of the semester the food was pretty good and the dinner hall was always quiet which was even better) .

So now I am home. I have idled away the time in the usual ways, although I have been good and I have been trying to study Japanese so I don’t forget everything I learned over the course of my lessons- it would be a waste to spend so much money on lessons and then forget it all- right? Besides, it makes me feel productive. Apart from that I have gone out to the cinema twice. I went to see the 5 year engagement with my sister which was enjoyable enough. And last night I headed out with my sister and her friends to see Magic Mike which was just awful. They tried to inject plot into a movie which would have been better without. Really, the plot was flimsy, the lead actress was awful and the ending was abrupt- worse than the flimsy plot, the flimsy plot was never resolved. ugh.

Really, right now, everything’s pretty boring and I’m slipping into a very comfortable and lazy routine- which can’t be a good thing as in less than two months I’ll be totally uprooted, flying off to live in a strange, foreign place. I’m playing the waiting game at the moment- waiting for the confirmation letters to come through, waiting for accommodation to be allocated, waiting for the term dates to be given. In fact both me and my friend got bored and fed up of waiting so we already booked our flights to Singapore, where we’ll stay a few days before heading onto Malaysia. We’ve not booked the flights to Malaysia yet so I don’t know when my life will start there, but I know I leave the country on the 12th of September. The way time is slipping through my fingers that is uncomfortably close. I started a to do list and it is already half a page long, all the things I need to research and organise and all the preparations I need to make. Although I am excited the glamour of moving abroad has faded, revealing the reality of the fact that moving abroad isn’t as easy as throwing stuff in a suitcase and going, which is the romantic ideal right? But no, so much to do… and so much I’ll have to leave behind. It’s going to be hard to resist the temptation to try and fill my suitcase with things I don’t need for any reason than sentimentality, than wanting to cling onto some part of my comfortable every day routine in this country.

I’m excited, but nervous, and very scared. I say that its sunk in that I’m going, that this is happening, but it’s half a lie- I don’t think it will truly sink in until I am on that plane.

Listening To: Far, Far - Yael Naim
mood: sleepy

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