every day life – Page 24

Catch Me

the house
long tunnel
Little house containing one obvious passageway and a hidden entrance
One of the Exit/Entrances to the little house
Looking out from the watch tower
More tunnels
Chinese Gardens
Topiary
Reflection

As mentioned in the previous post, I went with my family to some gardens last week – Biddulph Grange Garden to be specific. The weather was bright and sunny which made it perfect for this sort of excursion. We ended up spending a few hours there as though these gardens are fairly small they are built in a maze like manner, with no sign posts and plenty of tunnels and cleverly hidden entrances. You basically get given a very basic map, then you are on your own trying to find your way around. That is how the gardens were designed, the map tells you. “We want you to experience the spirit of surprise and exploration”, it tells you. Well, my sister and I were certainly wandering around in circles before we finally discovered the entrances and passageways that would take us to where we wanted to be. (My aunt and my mother had long given up and gone for lunch) Along the way we bumped into another couple who were also hopelessly wondering around trying to find the bowling green, to little success. It really was frustrating, but strangely fun. You could not help but feel accomplished every time you stumbled upon a cleverly concealed entrance, every time you then managed to uncover a new section, and of course, once you’d finally managed to see everything (minus the bowling green. We really could not figure out where to go for that, either.)

“This plane that flies in the sky, that twirls the wind, that walks in the clouds, has taken off but”

→ A couple of months ago I gave up chocolate. With that, I finally became completely dairy free. And I’m surprised at how well I am coping. It helps that the supermarket we go to has an impressive range of ingredients I thought I’d never be able to get hold of easily – vegetable shortening, dairy free margarine, soya yoghurts, xanthum gum, arrowroot powder and most types of alternative milks are all there. I mean, we’re hardly in a large city. Just a town in the countryside. So its really quite good. Of course, having a kitchen helps too. Yes, there are cravings. But they are feint, usually only when I’m in the supermarket and I am reminded of all the things I cannot have. On a day to day basis I am coping and even enjoying this. Chocolate is another matter – I miss it dearly but chocolate biscuits and rich hot chocolate do take the edge off. Really, its not too difficult when you don’t have to worry about contamination or “may contain traces of” I cook a lot for myself, because I have to, and I am putting a lot more thought into my food because of that. My bread baking is coming along nicely (I contacted my grand mother and she gave me a wonderful whole wheat recipe, which I make one week, then the next I make white bread which is the one I am struggling with but definitely getting better at) Soon I’ll be getting a food processor so I’ll start up making soups, pasta sauces and nut butters. I am, perhaps, having a little bit of fun with this. Not seeing any health benefits yet, but hopefully in a little while. I do think the real challenge is still to come though, and that is how to be dairy free whilst at university. I admit to being slightly worried about that. I need to start learning how to make meal plans to make sure I don’t waste money shopping, or time, and get good always dairy-free food in me despite having little time. I need to figure out some sort of way of not letting stress cause me to relapse into eating chocolate. But that comes later. For now, its going unexpectedly well.

→ I bought some cookbooks to guide me along this dairy free thing. The first one was Go Dairy Free by Alisa Fleming which is an excellent information book and also has some good recipes focused on substitutes to handle cravings and recipes to get nutrients that you would otherwise get from milk. It’s a great information book and I have enjoyed some of the recipes but unfortunately it is very US centric. Thankfully I stumbled upon the The Intolerant Gourmet by Pippa Kendrick. I don’t usually buy UK recipe books as I am not a fan of the UK measurement system- preferring things in cups and spoons- but in this case I needed a book that used UK ingredients which overrode that. The book is a light hardcover and inside it is laid out clearly with beautiful photos and typography. I find it strange how its sectioned in seasons instead of in more traditional breakfast, dinner type labels but the index and the contents means its not too difficult to find what you are looking for. The recipes themselves look very tasty and use very accessible ingredients, although I wish there were more veggie ones. Nonetheless, I am eager to try what I can. Already I tried the pancakes the other day and they were delicious- my sister and I made our own variation by adding back in the egg, using gluten flour and adding in cinnamon and mixed spice. Once cooked, we stacked them up and poured syrup over them then dug in. It was so much fun.

→ On the subject of cook books, I was in a charity shop the other day scanning the books available when a slim volume entitled “our traditional cooking” caught my eye. I nearly skimmed past it but I was too curious as to what cooking it was referring to and bent down to pick it up. Flicking through the pages I found myself facing a recipe for “melk tart” I had, in this random charity shop in the UK, managed to find a traditional South African cookbook. Its a fantastic little book filled with all kinds of recipes, a lot of which have little anecdotes about where they came from. (One section mentioned riding an ostrich and visiting the caves in oudtshoorn- which brought up memories of when as a little girl we did exactly that!) I rather enjoyed reading about how to prepare ostrich eggs and other such things. Not all of it is entirely out of place in the modern world though. I shall be making the banana bread using this book soon and am hoping it turns out well! I am also drawn to putu (I had some sort of mealie meal based porridge drizzled with syrup for breakfast on the game lodge in Zimbabwe and it was divine. I think it may have been putu.) and koeksisters (despite how difficult they look to make.) I must have read through this little book several times since I got it, always picking up new things from it. It’s an utterly fascinating book and I am so glad I picked it up.

I sincerely wish its prequel was not only available on amazon for around £90. O_o

→ My Aunt from South Africa has been with us a week now and there are good moments and bad moments. Thus far she’s mostly being spending time with my mother, her sister, or relaxing around the home, which is nice. We have gone out a few times- we went to some gardens, did some shopping followed by a visit to a local ice cream farm (I had fruit ice of course, but it tasted exactly like ice cream. so. good.) On Sunday we went to pick up my fathers friend from the airport, who is also visiting from South Africa for various reasons, and then we went to check out the RHS flower show, which was stupidly expensive but good fun. The weather has been brilliant for my Aunt, but on Sunday it turned temperamental and we ended up huddled under a marquee waiting for a massive storm to pass. Even that was fun.

But: for every easy going moment, where we just talk and relax and everything is fine, there are also arguments and tension. My Aunt has a temper to match my mother, and she is not afraid of expressing her opinions when maybe they aren’t wanted, because it comes across as passing judgement on our family which I don’t think it is her place too. This has caused some difficultly, especially with my sister. Its not unusual listening to arguments in this house, but it feels slightly sad that we see her so little, and when she is here we argue. I guess that’s family though? I do admit it is a little stifling at home for me now, but then this is probably more to do for the fact that I am not entirely enjoying being home since I came back from Malaysia. I am frustrated, struggling to fit myself into this place where I don’t feel I fit any more, struggling to follow the rules of the house when I have my own ways of doing things (mostly regarding chores and food and all those little things) I move out to my own place at the end of August and cannot wait. I think it may be unfair to blame it entirely on my family of course – I am introverted so can deal with people a certain amount, but I need my own space to retreat to at the end of the day. On saying that, university starts in just two months, and that is not something I want to happen any sooner. I am, like always, conflicted as to how quickly time is passing.

Surprise

On Tuesday it was my 21st birthday. My sister had been teasing me for about a month by telling me about taking me out somewhere, but not telling me where. She had good fun joking around telling me she was taking me to Cadbury’s world (remember, I’m dairy free) and then afterwards that she was taking me raving.

So. I woke up early on Tuesday and got ready with very little idea of what to expect, and still despite my pleading my sister kept our destination to herself. We set off on the motorway, me paying close attention to the signs, wondering where we turning off. As we got further and further from home the signs began to narrow down to one place – Hull.

We stopped at the services for lunch and I thought about it and eventually asked my sister “We’re not going to Hull are we?”

My sister laughed and said yes.

I hoped she was joking around again but… it did not seem like a joke this time. “We’re seriosuly going to Hull?!”

No offense to Hull, but I had no idea what was there to do. I imagined it a grim, industrial sort of place with little of worth to tourists. I was very nervous. I spotted a sign for the turnoff for York and hoped…but no…we continued on and indeed I found myself in Hull. In the bright sunlight it did not seem as bad as I imagined but I still was not certain what we’d have driven all the way there for. Of course, now certain that was our destination I paid even more attention to the signs, especially the brown tourist ones, but still I wasn’t sure where we were going until my sister slapped her hand over my face and told me not to look. I’d just seen a sign for someplace called “the deep” with a fish next to it, and after being punched in the face for it I was fairly certain that was where we were going. My sister was not aware I knew though, and quickly told me to close my eyes. “I’m scared of the dark!” I cried. “Well avert your eyes then.” I diligently stared at a little hole in my tights until my sister said I could look. We had indeed arrived at “the deep” which was an aquarium or as my sister declared proudly a “sub aquarium”. “What on earth is a sub aquarium?” I asked her, intrigued. “I have no idea. Maybe they’ve built it under water?”

I still have no idea, but regardless it was good fun. It was quite a small one, compared to the grand sized of the ones in Japan and there was initially a plague of loud school children with little spacial awareness, but it eventually got quieter and they had a huge 10m tank so as you worked your way down the aquarium (yes, you start at the top floor and wind down- maybe that’s why it’s a sub aquarium?) you would eventually land up right at the bottom of the tank, where you could either take the elevator through it back to the top, or the stairs. My sister and I instead took the elevator up, and then down again, and then went up the stairs. It was good fun. Another cool display, separate from this huge tank, was one where they’d covered it with a blackout curtain which you had to peek behind, to see the flashing lights of some deep sea creature. It was a little scary, being afraid of the dark, but quite unique. Of course there was the required clown fish (nemos!!) and jelly fish and what not but it was still very, very nice.

We left the aquarium and spent some time in the gift shop, amused at all the unrelated souvenirs you could buy (there were quite a few dinosaur and big cat things and just… lots of things that weren’t fish. or that were fish/sea animals that didn’t even exist in the aquarium.) Then we left and I did not know what was coming next, and I asked but of course my sister was having far too much fun keeping me in the dark and would not say. At least she let me know that we were sctually going somewhere next. We drove away from Hull, and I was probably a little relieved as I was not certain what else we could have done there. I once again played the look at the signs and wonder game, and was certain we were stopping at Leeds, but we passed it and it then became clear that we would be going to Manchester. I was very certain and very hopeful that by how late it was that we were heading for food, but without my sister confirming anything I had no idea. By that point I was grumpy and fed up with my sisters game of secrecy. I just wanted to know what was happening! My sister was still too amused at my frustration to tell me. We arrived in Manchester and I trailed after my sister towards the unknown place, then in the certain knowledge we were meeting with our parents. Indeed, we met our parents at a fancy Thai restaurant where we would have supper. The food was delicious, but the portions sizes were crazy. The starter was the size of a main meal, and as such I could not finish my main meal. I felt super bad as it was very expensive. I admit, I do wish we’d gone somewhere more casual. I’m not a big fan of formal, expensive places- I always feel awkward and out of place, and very conscious of the cost. I usually cannot manage restaurant portions and that’s fine when it’s reasonably priced, but once you start getting into pricier food you just feel guilty.

Anyway, it was nice and I went home very full and happy with my day, although I do wish my sister had kept me more informed of what was going on. I’m not a big fan of surprises. (That’s why my sister loves surprising me… typical. :/)

Since then…nothing has been happening. Being 21 is no different than being 20.
My aunt from South Africa is coming to stay with us for a week starting tomorrow afternoon though which I’m quite nervous about. I hope it’s going to be a good week with her.

Now alone

House hunting was not as bad as I was expecting it to be. On Friday my dad and I took the long, meandering journey through the peak district to my university city. The first place was a lovely block of brand new flats, still being constructed, about 10 minutes from a high street and giant supermarket. Alas, the area around it although convenient, seemed not quite as nice. There was a family friendly pub nearby, but there were also clubs. The place seemed to be being developed, but was still an obvious work in progress. We drove to the next place in pouring rain and stood, huddled under our umbrella, only for no one to show up. We phoned the estate agent and they had not sent anyone, and could not as they had lost the keys. The area was dodgy, right next to the train line, and even from the outside the flat looked insecure and run down and clearly the management of the place was shaky. That place was out. We got back in the car and drove home. I felt bad, guilty almost, as my dad was clearly tired from all that driving, which in the end had been for very little. I was left wishing I’d scheduled more for the day, wishing that somehow I could have made it so that second viewing had gone differently.

On Saturday we took the quicker route down to the City but ended up stuck in traffic- only just managing to make our appointment on time. It was a little house in a quiet residential area on the outskirts of the city. We knocked on the door and the current tenants let us inside to have a look around- tiny kitchen, tiny living room, twisting stairs to a tiny landing, a small bathroom and large bedroom with internal storage. I had already fallen in love with the area and I fell in love a little more looking at the place- this small, slightly shabby, quiet little house. It was just the area that was as much as a let down as an appeal- it seemed very far from everything. And although I was obviously keen my father was hesitant- preferring the flat we’d seen the day before. So I pushed it to the back of my mind to focus on viewing the rest. Back to the car, and we discussed it as we headed back to an area we’d seen the day before, driving around that previous flat before stopping at ASDA for an unhealthy lunch of pastries and donuts. We drove to the next viewing only for it to be cancelled 10 minutes beforehand. Which was great, especially as I’d been quite keen on that apartment. Oh well, we had a lot of time to kill until our next appointment so we went to a nearby nature reserve and had a little walk around the lake there. There were mostly ducks and geese there, and far too many cyclists taking up the pathways, but it was still rather pleasant. Despite this I was quiet, withdrawn, deep in thought. House hunting had long started to overwhelm me and I wanted to concede to whatever, just so I could go home and be done with it. We still had one more place to go though. That last apartment turned out to be wonderful- with a huge, airy kitchen- but between all the initial fees and the rent, far too expensive. And something about it did not feel right- it was a gut instinct. More realistically, they had a lot of interest in the place (it was a group viewing) and I did not think I would get it, and did not want it enough to try even. We took the long route home then, turning off on a new, unfamiliar road to take a different route through the peak district. It was almost like Japan- twisting, narrow roads, forest on both sides, but tamer, less lush, quieter with no cicadas crying out. I do think it is pretty though- and many of the villages in the peak district are charming with the old stone houses.

So we’d driven for three hours both ways, on two days, to see 6 places, which had become 5 when one was cancelled before Friday, which eventually became 3 due to last minute cancellations and agents not showing up. In the end we ruled out the last place and got it down to 2. I was all about the house- but my dad was pushing for the apartment. We discussed it on Sunday morning, after a lot of thinking about it on both our parts. I’d reluctantly steered myself towards agreeing to the flat, but my father surprised me by telling me he actually agreed with the house. I had researched it and found it was the same distance as the flat from uni, on a cheaper bus, and 15 minutes from a store, which I think aided his sudden turn around. Nonetheless I was ecstatic, but nervous too. What if I didn’t get it? I phoned them bright and early Monday morning and thankfully there had been no offers. Monday morning, I sat down and filled out forms with the my father then we sent them off and since then, its just waiting for everything to go through. I phoned them up yesterday and it does seem like I may have this little place, which is rather exciting.

I cannot wait to live by myself, away from other students and their noise and their filth. The only thing that’s begun to worry me now is that this place comes unfurnished and the more I think about it the more I realize how much an expense it is going to be buying appliances, kitchen items, furniture… and what on earth am I supposed to do with all those things later on, when I likely move back home whilst searching for a job? I know I’m thinking too much about this, and I’ve not even got the place yet so I don’t know why I’m painting pictures of how I want to fill it with all my things. But still, I’m filled with anticipation. The prospect of moving to my own place is both exciting and also a little nerve wrecking. I’ve never really done anything like this before. My foundation year, I lived at home. My first and second years, I was in halls. Now I’m really going to be on my own. Probably in my own house. It’s brilliant.

Searching

It’s fairly late and I should be in bed but I feel very awake for some reason. So I’m going to write.

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Time is passing fairly quickly, when it feels like its passing fairly slowly. I’m a bit bored, though when I think about it…it is in a good way. It’s nice to have so much time that you’re not really sure what to do with it, that you can afford to take too long doing things, to just lie in bed resting for 10 to 30 minutes every morning, just because I can. It feels indulgently lazy and thus brilliant.

I’ve mostly been in the kitchen still battling with my bread and being more successful at other things. Today for breakfast I had homemade granola with soya yogurt and a slice of homemade bread toasted with marmite. It felt quite awesome to have half of what is on my plate to have been something I’d made myself, from scratch. For lunch I baked some chicken and had homemade oven fries, which also felt awesome. Basically, apart from too much snacking from aforementioned boredom, I’m managing my diet quite well, and this no dairy thing is coming together nicely. It is really just chocolate to cut out now. only that.

(I really do not know how to stop eating chocolate. :/)

Apart from spending time in the kitchen I’ve been lazing around catching up on all the dramas I’ve wanted to watch but hadn’t the time nor bandwidth during term. I watched “Rinjo” which was better than average, with a truly heart breaking last episode, but there were questions I had about the main characters background that bugged me right until the end, and kind of ruined my enjoyment of the series. I’ve also nearly finished “A sleeping forest” which veers off into the unbelievable at times, but is so tightly plotted you cannot help but get sucked into it. I really have no idea who the culprit is and I watch every episode intently, trying to make sense of it but the drama is brilliant at turning things round, making everything a little unreliable, a little creepy, until you’re full of doubt. It’s exciting and exactly what you want from a mystery- this sort of high tension where you’re resisting the urge to just skip to the last minutes of the last episode just so you can know already! Strangely I’ve not been reading much, compared to how much I had been reading. I find myself struggling to really get into anything though. Maybe it’s the books I’ve been reading? The only books I have on hand are very hefty fantasy books and I’m not quite in the mood for it.

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I received my results on Monday. I passed everything, even scraping through telecommunications by a mere 3% above the pass mark. I cannot feel relieved though. I think my average is enough for the MEng but until I’m transferred I do not think I’ll be able to stop worrying, to be able to quiet this little voice inside me going “what if?” Like always I tell myself to stop worrying, that everything will be OK. But like always I have a hard time being able to believe that. I really have to see it before I can believe it…

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I spoke to my dad tonight about my module choices and finally I feel more certain about those, at least. I’m fairly sure what I’m doing, and that more importantly that they will be relevant for my future career. I’m still not certain about one module but I’ve emailed someone at the university about it and so hopefully they’ll be able to advise me, and then that will all be done. Then its just choosing my group project… I wish I wasn’t thinking about university as much as I currently am.

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Although I’ve just moved back from Malaysia, or at least it feels that way, I’m already having to think of moving again. By which I mean: accommodation for university next year. And: flat hunting. I’m going to be living by myself next year. And finding a place for one in a decent area for a decent price is somewhat trying. As a young woman living alone I have to be a little paranoid- I have to be careful about the area, and I cannot have any ground floor flats. This naturally narrows the choices down quite a bit and raises the prices quite a bit, too. Thankfully my father agreed to not just focus on furnished flats, which widened the choices a little, and lowered the prices a little, but only marginally. I did eventually manage to find 6 places I am interested in, for which I nervously enquired about viewings. Thus tomorrow I will be driving down with my father to look at the first two places, and then on Saturday I will see the rest with both my father and sister. I am utterly terrified of this. I’ve never done anything like this and have no idea what to expect, or how I’m supposed to act- what do I look for? What questions do I ask? I’m also shy which makes me fairly scared of appearing rude or pushy in front of the estate agent when I know that I should not be so self conscious, not afraid to look into corners, test things out, ask any questions. I know this but I have a feeling I’ll freeze up tomorrow and it’ll all pass me by in a daze and that’s hardly useful is it? Look at these run on sentences, I’m really kind of panicking. That’s probably why I feel so awake.

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