I went through and cleared out my old review blog today, a year and then some after I should of done it. I had it on hiatus with the intention of updating it again or closing it down but eventually I just forgot about it. It’s all deleted now though.
I was looking through all my old reviews as I deleted them and they aren’t something to write home about, but some aren’t bad and I can just tell how much time I spent on them. I must of been crazy, writing those long paragraphs about every song on a 10+ track album. You know- I spent so much time writing them and they aren’t even that good. That kinda sucks. I’ m glad I finally wiped them off the Internet although wayback machine and google cache might still cling to it. After all the Internet never forgets, for bad or for worse. I’m sure I could find my very old websites, from 2005 when I believed I could make awesome graphics and neopets was still cool. Man, I don’t even want to know. It’s embarrassing thinking about all the websites I used to run, and the things I used to post, the user names and alias I used, and the terrible graphics I used to make and promote as if they were the ‘best thing ever!!!” gah. I hated my 13 year old self in so many ways.
Then again sometimes even looking at blog entries from a few weeks back makes me cringe and I find myself fighting not to just erase it. Sometimes I go through a phase where I hate my website entirely and I just want to erase it all. I am clearly too attached to this old domain that I a) think about these things at all and b) never actually get rid of it. Although I guess I did enjoy it all at the time. It was fun creating those graphics and writing those reviews. I used to love writing about the things I listened to and the things I read. It used to be a great way to take my mind off everything, and it’s not like I could talk to my friends about gackt or ayumi hamasaki or any of the artists I listen to. That remains the same so in a way I still do, enjoy the whole writing my opinions about media thing, but I don’t think I could ramble on like I did a year ago. I find it increasingly difficult to express my opinions, even in 140 words. Especially now. I’m not very confident in myself right now, with the approach of university and the start of my degree, among other things.
I do wonder when I will get tired of this blogging thing. It’s the one thing that has stuck with me, even as I got bored of the neopets and the graphics and the fanlistings and the reviews. Sometimes it’s awkward, sometimes I have ideas for a post but no matter what I write it all comes out weird and awkward. But it remains fun to maintain this blog, to write about my life and the things I like and scribble down all those thoughts. I guess as long as it remains something fun then I’ll keep doing it. Reviewing was no longer fun, and although I still enjoy playing around making crappy graphics its much more fun just to do it for myself than to share them on any website.