Today was good. Like there are days which start great and trip up somewhere along the way and end up stumbling along endlessly. Then there are days which start off a bit iffy, become quite good then fall flat on their face and severely hurt themselves and suddenly all you want to do is curl up in bed and hide. Something like that. I must be in the mood for strange metaphors. Anyway. Talking about days which fall flat would be last Friday. I had a maths test which I was petrified about, as maths tends to spark that reaction in me. It’s like I can do it but only certain questions. I don’t learn the maths, I learn how to answer the questions. I crunch numbers with very little understanding of why. (woot, future engineer here. Aren’t I great?) Thus if a question comes up that I have not memorized the exact method for I am doomed. Clearly there must be something in this method as I’ve passed every maths test so far, and I miraculously passed that one too. After passing it I of course felt all proud of myself and energetic and so I went home looking forward to just chilling and relaxing and I naively assumed the day would continue to be awesome. Clearly I was setting myself up for something terrible to come along and surprise me.
I ended up bumping into some high school acquaintances on the train. Recall: I was an outsider in high school. I had no presence, I was shy and awkward and slightly weird. I was on the outside of the outsider group. These girls where part of the popular group, the ones that got noticed. As I caught sight of them I had a moment of panic and I looked away, thinking they wouldn’t recognise me, they wouldn’t see me…they saw me. Commence awkward non conversation which soon fizzled out and we went to politely ignoring each other. It was awkward, sitting there across from them wishing the train would hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, knowing it wouldn’t. Some of the worst 10 minutes of my life right there. Also- why the day when I looked awful? I had literally thrown on the baggiest jersey I own and a pair of jeans, I had a massive spot forming on my face… I was tired and my hair needed washing. You always hope that when you eventually bump into those kind of high school acquaintances, the popular pretty confident ones, that you’ll be dazzle them somehow- something, I don’t even know what, would be different and would make them stop and go, wow she’s changed in the really good way. Alas life has a way of going HAHA AS IF, bitch. Fuck it.
Fast forward. This week was rather mundane, ordinary. I bought a perfect pair of shoes on Monday! £8 and wide fit. Hell yeah. This brings the amount of shoes to a grand total of around 7 and making my new shoes the first brown shoes I own. (I love the idea of owning loads of shoes but shopping for them is usually quite painful.) But that was the only thing that could possibly stand out from these past few days. Whoever said the life of a student was exciting clearly had never been one.
And so. Today. Yes, this post might have some kind of point (I don’t even know. I’m just meandering all over the place here. Take a drink for every time I say “Anyway”, “I don’t (even know)”…might make reading this a whole lot more interesting… )
Today I finished up my Engineering Solutions module- aka the let’s build a model car! module. We had actually built the car and thus we just needed to do a presentation on it and then demonstrate it today. I was part scared part whatever I don’t even care anymore. Also slightly unnerving was the amount of good lucks I got from people. One or two is like “aww that’s sweet”. 4 or 5 is more like “OK do you people view me as the black hole of the group? Do I have some kind of permanent deer in headlights look on my face? WHAT IS IT” I actually managed to not stutter and to speak reasonably clearly and say non-stupid relevant things aka I totally aced it, sorta, I think I did. My teammates also did good . I think we did quite well! Though the teammate I hate forgot about me when he did his section. He said that two of our group mates built the car and the other two did the electronics. WHAT ABOUT ME? Way to completly underestimate the fact that I had actually bothered to come to every session, unlike him, and actually did my bit thank you very much. I almost let the shock show on my face but managed to control it. Really I wanted to hit him. He made excuses later that he was thinking something else. Yeah, right. Gosh I’m so glad not to be working with this guy anymore. He treats me like I am thissmall and makes jokes that really aren’t funny, the type of jokes that are basically masquerading as joke so he can say horrible things. Ugh. After the presentation we demonstrated our car and lol our car was so slow and ugly compared to other and it wouldn’t stop- it hit the wall D: After that all the groups banded together and we raced all the cars in the hallway. Safe to say ours didn’t get very far. It was slower than slow. D: All in all a reasonably fun end to a mundane module.
Next week is the last week before we break up. That is all kinds of scary. In a few months I will be in first year D: I currently have two course works I’ve been putting off because they’re in for April 1st and I kept thinking that is ages away and I’ve got plenty of time but you know….very close now! D:
Anyway. Now I shall go exfoliate my face with delicious berry scented stuff and stick a face mask on, because I am in that kinda mood. Then I shall eat some fruit so I can feel healthy, like I’m taking care of myself (read: like those two creme eggs I ate earlier are no longer relevant).