“I just don’t want to die anymore”

I am not really doing much with my time at the moment. Ever since I’ve come back from Japan I’ve been kind of tired. I sleep, I eat a little too much of all the wrong things, and I have realised I no longer care about Kpop much anymore, or fic or any of the things I used to do. I have started on old hobbies. Listening to the songs I used to like for one. Lots of Jrock. For two I have started watching anime again. I thought I’d long gotten tired of that scene, but no I just needed a good break from it. I recently finished Nabari no Ou after about three days marathoning it. I love that series. It was something I started forever ago and for some reason I didn’t finish. I re-watched all the earlier episodes and then finished it off. Such a gorgeous anime. Yeah sure there are ninjas and awesome fight scenes, and it is so beautiful to watch, but what makes it amazing I think are the characters. A rather complex group of people with their own set of flaws. I find it difficult to watch or read something when I dislike the characters, or when the characters are too perfect. I like reading about flawed people, making wrong decisions and betraying each other sometimes. It makes it more real and easy to relate to despite any circumstance.

At the moment I am trying to get through Mirage of Blaze TV series. It’s a little difficult. The anime is nothing compared to the novels. The novels are amazing and are what made me fall in love with this series. If all I knew about Mirage of Blaze was the anime…well I wouldn’t love the series nearly as much as I do. To get back to characterization, the characters in the anime aren’t nearly as well characterized as they are in the novels. Which is to be expected because it wouldn’t work as a TV series if certain things weren’t cut out but still. Not enjoying it that much.

I have plans to watch 07 GHOST, another anime I started and loved but never finished, Junjou Romantica, Yami no Matsuei and then whatever else I fancy. Yes so I like series with pretty boys and subtle BL undertones. Some thing don’t change XD

I have a feeling that if this goes on long enough I’ll be reading manga again soon enough…

I guess by drowning myself in Japanese music and anime and such I am clinging onto Japan. I miss seeing Japanese and hearing Japanese anywhere. Other things I miss are going for long walks through the city with no destination in mind, not really, and I miss coming back to an empty hotel room and perfect silence, curling up in a big fluffy double bed and watching EHB with some juice and snacks. I miss being alone. I miss how I felt there. I swear for the first time in years I felt alive. I feel a little lost at the moment, a little sad, back to feeling trapped and lonely.